Probably People

If someone says to you, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this,” they “probably” shouldn’t. People who engage in this kind of manipulative gossip need to be rounded up and shipped to their own island where they can torture each other in a “Lord of the Flies” kind of way. Their whispered secrets, nasty rumors and flat-out lies are merely pathetic attempts to puff their egos by deflating someone else’s.

What do the Probably People get out of telling you something they “Probably” shouldn’t? They get the satisfaction of spinning you into the murk of self-doubt. They balloon themselves on smugness with the power of “Probably.” They make themselves feel big by making you feel small.

Don’t have any truck with the “Probably People.” And don’t be one. No one like a gossiping weasel-faced, back-biting jerk.

Birthday Baptism

For my birthday this year I took a week off and went up to O’Day camp. And I learned something very important on my birthday. The lesson has to do with wine, a full moon, an owl and a kayak. Bottom line, never rush out of a kayak.

Enjoy some cake.

Flaming Exclamation Point

Toilet Paper People

There are some folks who always have toilet paper in the house, and then there are those who are completely baffled when the roll runs out and they suddenly find themselves using bits of the Crate and Barrel catalogs to finish up business.

Based on my extensive experience with people of all walks of life I can pretty much make this snap judgment:

People who

A) live alone

and who

B) always run out of toilet paper

are also people who

C) forget to buy pet food, pay bills in a timely fashion and stuff their faces with junk food and chew with their mouths open.

I prefer to work with people who are prepared and aware, but usually I end up working with “Dude, what happened to the toilet paper?” types.

You know who you are. And you know you need to fix yourself so that you can become a marginally functioning person – they rest of us in this country can’t carry you forever.

So step up, grow up, and sign up for a Sandra O’Day workshop.

You can spend two intense days alone with me in my New York City studios – or you can sign up for a five week workshop at my retreat O’Day Camp.

Either way, you need to do something. People are starting to talk and it’s time you know what they’re saying.

I’ll tell you what they’re saying, and I’ll help you change it.

www.sandraoday.com

Jerk-Face Jerk

Put your legs together you jerk. She can't make herself any smaller for your over-blown ego. You are a jerk and you're lucky I just took a photo and didn't slap you in your tiny balls. (Probation is good for something.)

Label me Sandra

Our society is extremely superficial. We love labels. We love them! We love labels on our clothing, our cars and especially on ourselves. So folks slap “Christian” on themselves or “Buddhist” or “Liberal” or whatever, and then they feel they’re adequately advertising their beliefs. They’ve got the label, so they think they don’t have to do the work.

Wrong again, Sparky!

People, it’s not what you believe that matters, it’s how you behave. If you call yourself a “Christian” and you judge people before you know their story, if you steal and gossip and commit adultery, you’re not doing the work, you’re just wearing a label! It’s like carrying a Dolce and Gabbana handbag and calling yourself a model. You’re not! You’re a lazy and deluded fatty, so wake up and do the work!

Look, I don’t care what you believe. If you want to make a pyramid of coffee cans in your garage and make an alter to a ceramic cat it’s fine with me, as long as you behave courteously and respectfully toward others. I don’t care if you pray to your bacon in the morning and worship the lint from your dryer as long as you’re thoughtful and aware of those around you. It’s about kindness and decency, people, not about who wears the most popular tag on their ego.

So to those of you "working" at the Times Square "Prayer Station" get a grip and go home. You're a pain in the patootie with your "repent before God destroys you" blathering. We're just trying to get to work, so get out of the way.

The Crap Game

I recently spent some time with some O’Day Seniors. I took some very nice aged Vermont cheddar to one old gal I visit and she says, “I like yellow American cheese. Now that’s good cheese.” I took another elderly fellow a really beautiful apple pie from a local bakery. A pie I had to order a week in advance and then wait 20 minutes in line to pick up. I give it to the old dude and he promptly goes into his kitchen and comes out with an Entenmann's pie and says to me, “Now this is good pie.”

Orange dairy food product. Gummy assembly line pie filled with ingredients you can’t pronounce. I’ll give it to them. They’re super-old. They can eat all the squeeze cheese and apple goo they want.

But the rest of us need to consider, what kind of crap do we crave? What kind of crap do we shove into our bodies?

Have you ever gotten onto a subway in New York City just as school is being let out? A herd of unhealthy fat kids with McDonald’s wrappers stuck in the corners of their mouths. Fattening themselves up for the pharmaceutical companies so they can make a whole lotta’ dough offfa’ their diabetes drugs and Relacor for stubborn belly fat.

“Oh, but Sandra, fresh vegetables are so hard to find. I’m doing the best I can. I’m stressed out!”

Stressed out? It’s time to stress in folks. Look inside. You can’t make things better by popping a pill when you’re playing the crap game! The pill is just another piece of crap.

Take a good look at what you put into your mouth, people. Ask yourself who benefits. And get out of the CRAP GAME.