Can’t and Drunkle

I made the mistake of letting guilt rule my mind this weekend and I took a long bus ride to the land of the toothless. The land where people think Mountain Dew is the perfect beverage, even for the baby.

I went to visit my hillbilly “Aunt who Can’t” and “Drunken Uncle”. Or, as I like to think of them, my Can’t and Drunkle.

Why did I go? Because I thought I should help them. I thought I might be able to apply some Sandra O’Day “Can-Do” to their situation.

Note to self: don’t try to help if no one has asked. Especially in a family situation.

When I arrived my Drunkle was passed out, so he was the most charming person I dealt with. My Can’t was wearing a “house coat.”

Can’t: Oh, Sandy honey, I’m sorry I’m wearing this old house coat, but I just can’t put on any clothes today.

Sandra O’Day: Why not?

Can’t: They just don’t fit me right no more.

Sandra O’Day: Why don’t you buy bigger clothes?

Can’t: I ain’t got no money.

Sandra O’Day: So lose a little weight.

Can’t: I can’t, my diabetes makes it too hard.

At this point my Aunt who Can’t drank an entire Mountain Dew in one gulp. I’m surprised she didn’t eat the can.

Sandra O’Day: Tell you what, I’ll go to the store with you and buy you some new clothes.

Can’t: Ohhh, fancy city girl thinks she’s too good to spend time with her Auntie who wears house coats. Is that what they teach you in the big city? Is that what happens when you move to a big city in a big building with running water and electricity at the pull of a string?

It went on like this for most of the day. I questioned my own sanity for visiting. I tried not to smash my head repeatedly against a tree when my most humiliating childhood stories were told and retold again and again and again. The highpoint of the day was turning my Drunkel on his side when he vomited so he wouldn’t aspirate.

At the end of the evening, when I asked for a ride back to the bus station this is what I got:

Can’t: Ohhh, Sandy. You don’t never pay us visits no more. Why don’t you never visit us?

Sandra O’Day: I’m visiting you now.

Can’t: You should visit more often. I don’t know why you don’t visit us more often. Your uncle misses you so much ...

Sandra O’Day: He’s been passed out since I got here six hours ago.

Can’t: No he ain’t! He misses you! He wants you to come visit ...

The “why don’t you never visit” conversation went on until I was boarding the bus.

On the bus ride home I sat next to a vegan who clipped her nails almost the entire time. Toes and fingers. I’m guessing she’s a long-lost cousin.

Lesson learned: You don’t have to visit anyone who’s completely insane and living a toxic life because you think you Should. When you think you Should you’re just trying to make yourself feel better by wanting to change someone else's situation. Your Should will only make you feel worse.

Don’t Should all over yourself.