I got an e-mail this morning from a client, and it really tickled my funny bone.
"Some people are like Slinkies -- not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs."
That is so true!
Back when I was a criminal, before I had taken 120 hours of anger management courses plus the mandatory refresher course every five months, I was fond of pushing, shoving and punching any idiot who irked me or got in my way. Those were the days!
But I've embraced Powerful Positive Change (PPC) and have moved into new territory in my life.
These days, when encountering complete ass-wipes, I take a deep breath, count to ten -- twenty if I have to, and I do my best not to take their rude, stupid behavior personally.
So, as we slog our way through this hot and humid summer let's keep our ire in check as our cities are invaded by slow-moving, slack-jawed tourists with extreme mental problems.
Take a deep breath, count to ten, and think of those slinkies!
I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
99 Cent Dreams
Maybe if you invested more in your dreams they wouldn't be so shoddy. And made of cut-rate plastic from China. Invest in your dreams, people. Don't just buy cheap junk and fill up your home with trash. Chuck the garbage and invest in a Sandra O'Day One-On-One O'Day Power Session. Sure I'll lock you in a creepy cabin for a few days, but once I'm done with you you'll bust out as a new, better person.
And you won't have to dust a bunch of cheap plastic figurines made by slaves in China .
Monday, July 12, 2010
It's not the heat ...
Boy oh boy have I been hearing a whole lot of whining lately.
"It's so hot."
"I have to run my air conditioning all day."
"It's too hot to cook, let's take a taxi to the sushi place."
People! Get. A. Grip. You're not in Calcutta.
What amazes me most about this weather is that folks complain more about the heat than the inappropriately dressed citizens. It's getting disgusting. People, just because it's over one-hundred degrees it doesn't mean you should bare your seven flabby elbows and fifteen ass cheeks while you shuffle around town in FLIP FLOPS.
I'm not saying you have to wear linen or seersucker suits with a straw hat, but you also don't have to wear teeny-tiny shorts that show your butt crack. I swear to God I was walking up the subway behind a woman whose ill-fitting white pants were so low that her hairy ass crack was exposed. At first I thought it was her vagina! I didn't know if she was coming or going!
And gay boys -- the slack shorts are very fancy but if I can see the outline of your balls they are TOO TIGHT!
And taxi drivers, ENOUGH. Use deodorant. Wash daily. 'Cause I'm starting a silent protest. If your taxi driver is smelly, tip poorly. Or tip in trial-sized Mitchum.
People, we can't avoid summer. But if we work together we can make it less disgusting.
"It's so hot."
"I have to run my air conditioning all day."
"It's too hot to cook, let's take a taxi to the sushi place."
People! Get. A. Grip. You're not in Calcutta.
What amazes me most about this weather is that folks complain more about the heat than the inappropriately dressed citizens. It's getting disgusting. People, just because it's over one-hundred degrees it doesn't mean you should bare your seven flabby elbows and fifteen ass cheeks while you shuffle around town in FLIP FLOPS.
I'm not saying you have to wear linen or seersucker suits with a straw hat, but you also don't have to wear teeny-tiny shorts that show your butt crack. I swear to God I was walking up the subway behind a woman whose ill-fitting white pants were so low that her hairy ass crack was exposed. At first I thought it was her vagina! I didn't know if she was coming or going!
And gay boys -- the slack shorts are very fancy but if I can see the outline of your balls they are TOO TIGHT!
And taxi drivers, ENOUGH. Use deodorant. Wash daily. 'Cause I'm starting a silent protest. If your taxi driver is smelly, tip poorly. Or tip in trial-sized Mitchum.
People, we can't avoid summer. But if we work together we can make it less disgusting.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Celebrate True Independence
Think for yourself.
Just because people mean what they say it doesn’t make what they're saying true.
Do the hard work and think for yourself.
Don’t be a lazy-ass-turd-ball and wait for someone to hand you your beliefs and opinions. You don’t let strangers chew your food for you and spit it into your mouth for crying out loud! So don’t let them digest all the latest ideas for you and puke them into your brain!
Independent thought is going the way of the Dodo Bird in this country. Let’s try and save it.
Just because people mean what they say it doesn’t make what they're saying true.
Do the hard work and think for yourself.
Don’t be a lazy-ass-turd-ball and wait for someone to hand you your beliefs and opinions. You don’t let strangers chew your food for you and spit it into your mouth for crying out loud! So don’t let them digest all the latest ideas for you and puke them into your brain!
Independent thought is going the way of the Dodo Bird in this country. Let’s try and save it.
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