People are like Slinkies

I got an e-mail this morning from a client, and it really tickled my funny bone.

"Some people are like Slinkies -- not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs."

That is so true!

Back when I was a criminal, before I had taken 120 hours of anger management courses plus the mandatory refresher course every five months, I was fond of pushing, shoving and punching any idiot who irked me or got in my way. Those were the days!

But I've embraced Powerful Positive Change (PPC) and have moved into new territory in my life.

These days, when encountering complete ass-wipes, I take a deep breath, count to ten -- twenty if I have to, and I do my best not to take their rude, stupid behavior personally.

So, as we slog our way through this hot and humid summer let's keep our ire in check as our cities are invaded by slow-moving, slack-jawed tourists with extreme mental problems.

Take a deep breath, count to ten, and think of those slinkies!

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.

Ball in Water

OK, so we got Sandra up to O'Day Camp thinking it might improve her mood. And today it's really warm so I thought we should try her physical therapy outside. But there's still some ice on the ground, and the river had gone up ... and both Sandra and her exercise ball fell in the river. We eventually got Sandra out, but her ball went on it's way. Here's a video.
More later,
Sandra's Assistant

A Note From Sandra's Assistant

Hey all. For those of you who don't know, shortly after Sandra's last posting she was involved in an altercation on the subway that sent her to a hospital and ICU for the past two months. I am happy to report she has opened her eyes and can now make noises that kind of sound like talking. She is also able to hold a ball in her hand! Progress!

I'm sure she is diligently working toward recovery. She seems to be, anyway.

Sincerely,

Sandra's Assistant

PS -- I'll be posting for Sandra until she gets back. (Now that I have her password!)

Hateful, Hateful Tribeca Mommies

Apparently my last posting was too “aggressive” and “violated” some stupid agreement I had made with both my parole officer and anger management therapist. So I ended up back at the smelly hippie “anger management” camp yet again.

And it was worse than last time. We had to hold hands and SING what we were grateful for every morning noon and night. We endured drum circles, talking sticks, rain sticks and regular old stick sticks. Those hippies love their sticks. I had to listen to too many self-indulgent bleeding hearts talk about their FEELINGS. Their stupid, stupid feelings. And I had to eat tofu NOTdogs, which taste like crayons dipped in butt hole.

But now I’m back.

First, I’d like to point out that all you Tribeca mommies sent me plenty of nasty-nasty e-mail. E-mail that is far worse than my last post. Your e-mail was so nasty that I can’t even post it or I’ll be sent back to smelly hippie anger management camp for violating my agreement yet again.

I can say this, however, in response to the e-mail I got from “VintageMommy.”

VintageMommy, at fifty-four years of age you are too old to be breastfeeding. You are not a "miracle of science." You are yucky. Your e-mail name should be DisgustoOldMommyWithAncientLeakySaggyBoobies. You’re going to break your old calcium-deficient hip when you trip on hideous, plastic baby toys. Nobody likes you. Not your husband, not the other Tribeca Mommies, not even your children. Your Franken-Babies are going to grow up, squander your money on charity and join the peace corp. You will have no retirement money left and you will have to go live with them up at their smelly hippie anger management camp.

And I will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Change

Well, at some point tonight we will have a new president. (Hopefully.) Being a felon, and still on parole, I am apparently not allowed to vote. This discovery made me understandably furious when I went to my polling place at 7 AM and was loudly rebuked by the facially scarred woman with the speech impediment who screamed for the benefit of the hundreds of people in line behind me, "You can'th vote. You're a cwiminawl!" (Former criminal, thank you Scar Face.)

But instead of throwing things at her, as I so deeply wished to do, I went out and took three extra anger management classes, a yoga class, ran five miles and told the kid at Starbucks that I had gone to vote (I did go) so I could get my free coffee. Decaf.

While I can't vote to make Change happen for our country, I did make Change happen for myself, in my personal life. I did not attack the disfigured volunteer and wreck her pathetic face further. Instead, I worked out my aggression in a healthy way. And I ordered a decaf instead of a regular coffee. For Sandra O'Day, that's a pretty good start at real Change.

So, I have to ask you, people -- now that all the hype of "Change, Change, Change" will be quieting down, will you continue to Change? Or will you go back to being uninformed lemmings who let the newscasters and your neighbors tell you what to think? Will you go back to gorging yourself on cheese-stuffed crusts while popping pills to lower your cholesterol? Will you go back to watching junk on TV and complaining that you're gaining weight because you spend too much time on your patootie?

Or will you really do it this time? People, you don't have to wait until the New Year to start over. Do it now. CHANGE.

E-mail me at PowerofSandra@aol.com and tell me what you want to work on. Together we’ll make a plan for you, a rigorous program of transformation. Let's put you on the true path to Powerful Positive Change. You can do it. I'll make you do it.

PowerofSandra@aol.com