Label me Sandra

Our society is extremely superficial. We love labels. We love them! We love labels on our clothing, our cars and especially on ourselves. So folks slap “Christian” on themselves or “Buddhist” or “Liberal” or whatever, and then they feel they’re adequately advertising their beliefs. They’ve got the label, so they think they don’t have to do the work.

Wrong again, Sparky!

People, it’s not what you believe that matters, it’s how you behave. If you call yourself a “Christian” and you judge people before you know their story, if you steal and gossip and commit adultery, you’re not doing the work, you’re just wearing a label! It’s like carrying a Dolce and Gabbana handbag and calling yourself a model. You’re not! You’re a lazy and deluded fatty, so wake up and do the work!

Look, I don’t care what you believe. If you want to make a pyramid of coffee cans in your garage and make an alter to a ceramic cat it’s fine with me, as long as you behave courteously and respectfully toward others. I don’t care if you pray to your bacon in the morning and worship the lint from your dryer as long as you’re thoughtful and aware of those around you. It’s about kindness and decency, people, not about who wears the most popular tag on their ego.

So to those of you "working" at the Times Square "Prayer Station" get a grip and go home. You're a pain in the patootie with your "repent before God destroys you" blathering. We're just trying to get to work, so get out of the way.

Fundamental Thanks!

Wow, I'm so thankful for our brilliant country. I have so many people to thank!

I’d like to start by thanking George W. Bush for doing the “Fundamentally Republican” thing and making government smaller by taking the horrendous duty of “regulating” banks off the government’s back and allowing banks to regulate themselves. That’s working out really, really well! I’ve lost tens of thousands of dollars! Thank you Republicans! You’re the best.

I’d also like to thank John “Chipmunk Gland” McCain for assuring us that our banking system is “fundamentally” sound. If fundamentally sound means printing more money without any actual value behind it -– he’s right!!! Keep up the good work!

And I’d also like to thank the Christian fundamentalists for being so fundamentally sure that the big, scary, “elite and intelligent” Democrats are going to ruin the country. I have to agree, they sure wouldn’t do as well at driving us into the gutter as the “Fundamentally Correct” Republicans are doing! Great job, Jesus Freaks! Keep up the good work. Keep looking for “enemies” that are “fundamentally” against you. Keep up your witch hunt until we’re all broke and as frightened and panic-stricken as you are. Oh boy, if driving us all to crazed desperation doesn’t turn us all Christian, what will?!

Good work America! Good work!