Fat Neighbor

GOYA!


My neighbor in New York City is a very large, unhealthy, junk food addict. She works from home, so she rarely leaves her small apartment.

We New Yorkers live in the most convenient city in the word –- a city where you can have anything delivered, and my neighbor most certainly has everything delivered.

She even had an exercise ball delivered, which popped soon after she sat on it. She was disappointed not because it popped, but because she had hired somebody to blow it up for her and wasted the money.

Recently she adopted a scrappy looking dog. Dogs need to be taken for walks on a regular basis. Amazingly, my neighbor is doing this chore herself, and I think she may be dropping some pounds.

I saw her on the street the other day and had the following conversation:

Sandra O'Day: Hey Neighbor! Cute dog. What's his name?

Big Neighbor: I named him Goya.

Sandra O’Day: Because you like Goya beans and food products?

(Silence)

Big Neighbor: No. It’s an acronym. Goya stands for Get Off Your Ass.

Sandra O’Day: I’m stealing that from you.

Big Neighbor: Take it and run with it, O’Day.

Do it folks! G.O.Y.A.!

Faking it?

Um, OK. So Sandra is all in her wheelchair and whatever, and I go outside to feed the geese and when I come back my vintage Holly Hobby Paper Doll Book that I had been working on had been moved -- across the room and closer to the fire! ALMOST IN THE FIRE.

I'm beginning to think she's better than she seems to be.

Test and trial to follow.

-Sandra's Assistant

Hurry Up and Get Well

So Sandra is slowly progressing in her physical therapy. And she's "speaking." (I don't understand her but I smile and nod a whole lot.) It's very boring. My heart goes out to caregivers who don't get paid to do it and who actually love the person they're caring for.

On the goose front: the three wounded geese are still traveling together. The geese are: Debra Winger (the ringleader), Lefty Winger, and Scrappy Winger. A mallard duck goes everywhere with them. I can't tell what his deal is.

The wildlife expert/goose wrangler won't call me back. So I just feed them. Beats feeding Sandra. At least the geese are afraid of me.

And one of the neighbors keeps shooting a gun. I can hear it "Pop Popping." But I can see the geese, so they don't seem to be the target. Maybe I should dress Sandra in brown and give her an antler hat and set her out in the woods. HAHAHAHA.

-Sandra's Assistant

Aarrgh!

OK, I'm about to put a KNIFE in my HEAD. Sandra can't even talk and she's making me CRAZY! I can't even tuck her blanket in around her in her wheelchair without her giving me a look that says, "You can do better!"

Her other assistants don't come back until the end of January ... I'm not gonna make it.

OK, so I let her fall in a river. And the night nurse stole her camera and rings and cash. And maybe I shouldn't have taped that spoon to her hand to try and get her to feed herself.

Maybe I'm not 100% "On My Game" but DANG! Back off with that look, O'DAY!

--Sandra's Assistant
(for now)

Ball in Water

OK, so we got Sandra up to O'Day Camp thinking it might improve her mood. And today it's really warm so I thought we should try her physical therapy outside. But there's still some ice on the ground, and the river had gone up ... and both Sandra and her exercise ball fell in the river. We eventually got Sandra out, but her ball went on it's way. Here's a video.
More later,
Sandra's Assistant

Update on Sandra

Good news! We taped a spoon to Sandra's hand today so she can try to feed herself -- and she tried to stab me with it!!! That's the Sandra we know and love. More reports as they come in.
-Sandra's Assistant

A Note From Sandra's Assistant

Hey all. For those of you who don't know, shortly after Sandra's last posting she was involved in an altercation on the subway that sent her to a hospital and ICU for the past two months. I am happy to report she has opened her eyes and can now make noises that kind of sound like talking. She is also able to hold a ball in her hand! Progress!

I'm sure she is diligently working toward recovery. She seems to be, anyway.

Sincerely,

Sandra's Assistant

PS -- I'll be posting for Sandra until she gets back. (Now that I have her password!)