Dog Poop and Banana Peels

I’m walking down the sidewalk to the O’Day offices in Hell’s Kitchen yesterday and I notice that the pavement is filthier than usual. It’s so disgusting I hold my breath. I contemplate burning my shoes.

The cement is stained with urine streams. Garbage and fecal matter are everywhere I look. Dog poop, banana peels, dog poop ON banana peels ...

And then I see these people.

SITTING ON THE SIDEWALK! Look at the photo! There is a urine stain right next to them!



PEOPLE! This is New York City! Sitting on the sidewalks here is like being a urinal cake in the men’s room at the Port Authority bus station!

Don’t sit on the sidewalk! Get a grip, for crying out loud! You want to get MRSA? Ebola? You want scabs to form on your eyes?

You’d be safer and cleaner in a crack whore’s ass than sitting on a sidewalk near Times Square!

Get up. Get your ass OFF the pavement. No one is THAT tired.

Inspiration Everywhere

I saw this in a children's joke book I was reading in the O’Day Camp library this weekend:

Q: Where can you always find a helping hand?

A: At the end of your arm.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

Off With Their Pants!

What separates the men from the boys? Pants. Back in the “Olde Dayes” boys wore short pants until they were considered to be adults. When they started behaving like grown ups they got a pair of real pants.

Now, in a tremendous burst of irony, we have this:



All they way under their butt cheeks. The front of the pants right at their little penises. (I have to assume their penises are little, otherwise those pants would be riding a bit higher.)

What can we do about it, Sandra? People are just stupid.

I’ll tell you what we can do about it! I did it today on the subway stairs coming out of the F train and it was fantastic!

Pants the idiots!

That’s right, sneak up behind them and yank those stupid pants down! They can’t chase you, ‘cause their pants are around their ankles. And it takes them too long to pull them up and position them in that oh-so-special penguin-walk way. Sure you’ll have to run a little, but we can all use a little extra cardio.

Let’s start flash mobs of pants-ers! Let’s all descend on Times Square and pants the stupid idiots.

And keep your cameras ready. I’m on Facebook and I want to see the photos.