Rihanna. Honey. I think someone made a voodoo doll with your face on it. And I think Chris Brown has stuck a few pins in the heart of that voodoo doll, because rumor has it you’re engaged to marry him. I’d like to point out that he used his fists on your face before he made any subtler moves.
I read you also recently got a tattoo. Of a little gun. On your shoulder.
Are you going to shoot him with it when he’s beating you with his fists? Is it supposed to serve as some kind of a reminder to a “better-not-be-a-next-time” clause in your so-called “relationship”?
Rihanna, I’ve served time in prison. I can assure you that the crimes I was incarcerated for pale in comparison to what he’s done to you in the past and what he will do in the future. (Beat your brains out.)
He boxed your face into a pulp before the Grammy Awards so badly that you couldn’t even perform on the show!
Jealous much, Chris Brown?
Your biggest appearance to the nation should have been doing what you do best – SINGING! Instead, you made your biggest splash as the poster girl for abuse in the tabloids the next day.
He is using you to advance his career. And if you don’t play along with his enormous ego you’re going to end up being our next Whitney Houston. A huge talent chained to a toxic loser.
Rihanna, you don’t have to become just another Mrs. Brown.
You don’t have to apologize for being gifted.
No one should ever do that. Wake up, take a deep breath and stop apologizing for being the bigger talent.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
An open letter to Rihanna
Rihanna. Honey. Chris Brown beat you. He made your face look like a peach that had been thrown down stairs. Maybe you need to take a break and testify at his hearing before you start going on vacation with him.
Hooking up with that ape again is stupid and dangerous. It’s a hazard to your health and it sends a message to women everywhere that it’s OK to go back to moronic cavemen who beat them. It’s not OK. It’s wrong. It’s as wrong as drunk driving or huffing spray paint and then operating a forklift.
Tell you what. I’ll send him a T-shirt with the police photo of your beaten face on it. Make him wear it every time you’re with him, so you can get a good look at him and what he did to you. (And what he will do again.)
Have him wear it in the recording studio where you’re recording a duet with him for his new album.
I hope your face isn’t the percussion instrument for the song.
Watch Oprah on Thursday the 12th. She's talking to you.
Wake up, Rihanna. You deserve better, and he deserves time in jail.
Hooking up with that ape again is stupid and dangerous. It’s a hazard to your health and it sends a message to women everywhere that it’s OK to go back to moronic cavemen who beat them. It’s not OK. It’s wrong. It’s as wrong as drunk driving or huffing spray paint and then operating a forklift.
Tell you what. I’ll send him a T-shirt with the police photo of your beaten face on it. Make him wear it every time you’re with him, so you can get a good look at him and what he did to you. (And what he will do again.)
Have him wear it in the recording studio where you’re recording a duet with him for his new album.
I hope your face isn’t the percussion instrument for the song.
Watch Oprah on Thursday the 12th. She's talking to you.
Wake up, Rihanna. You deserve better, and he deserves time in jail.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The "I'm Not There Yet" Game
One of my clients recently told me that she can’t have sex with her husband because she doesn’t like her body.
WHAT? A woman who isn’t 100% happy with her body?! How unusual. How unique. (I hope you notice the sarcasm font.)
She said she had gained some weight in the past few years, and her husband is still all over her, but she’s too embarrassed by her body to have sex with him. She said that she’s, “Just not there yet.”
OK, honey, are you insane? He thinks you’re hot. So be hot. Don’t wait until you think you’re sexy -- because most of us can’t live up to our own rigid standards. Your husband, however, still gets rigid when he sees you fresh out of the shower wearing only a towel. HE is the one who desperately wants to help you get out of the “I’m Not There Yet” game.
Take off the towel, knock him onto the bed or the table or the floor and feel good about the fact that HE'S TOTALLY INTO YOU!
People, we’re only as attractive as we let ourselves be. Don’t play the “I’m not There Yet” game. Be there. It’s where you are. It’s called NOW, and NOW is pretty dang sexy.
WHAT? A woman who isn’t 100% happy with her body?! How unusual. How unique. (I hope you notice the sarcasm font.)
She said she had gained some weight in the past few years, and her husband is still all over her, but she’s too embarrassed by her body to have sex with him. She said that she’s, “Just not there yet.”
OK, honey, are you insane? He thinks you’re hot. So be hot. Don’t wait until you think you’re sexy -- because most of us can’t live up to our own rigid standards. Your husband, however, still gets rigid when he sees you fresh out of the shower wearing only a towel. HE is the one who desperately wants to help you get out of the “I’m Not There Yet” game.
Take off the towel, knock him onto the bed or the table or the floor and feel good about the fact that HE'S TOTALLY INTO YOU!
People, we’re only as attractive as we let ourselves be. Don’t play the “I’m not There Yet” game. Be there. It’s where you are. It’s called NOW, and NOW is pretty dang sexy.
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