Fundamental Thanks!

Wow, I'm so thankful for our brilliant country. I have so many people to thank!

I’d like to start by thanking George W. Bush for doing the “Fundamentally Republican” thing and making government smaller by taking the horrendous duty of “regulating” banks off the government’s back and allowing banks to regulate themselves. That’s working out really, really well! I’ve lost tens of thousands of dollars! Thank you Republicans! You’re the best.

I’d also like to thank John “Chipmunk Gland” McCain for assuring us that our banking system is “fundamentally” sound. If fundamentally sound means printing more money without any actual value behind it -– he’s right!!! Keep up the good work!

And I’d also like to thank the Christian fundamentalists for being so fundamentally sure that the big, scary, “elite and intelligent” Democrats are going to ruin the country. I have to agree, they sure wouldn’t do as well at driving us into the gutter as the “Fundamentally Correct” Republicans are doing! Great job, Jesus Freaks! Keep up the good work. Keep looking for “enemies” that are “fundamentally” against you. Keep up your witch hunt until we’re all broke and as frightened and panic-stricken as you are. Oh boy, if driving us all to crazed desperation doesn’t turn us all Christian, what will?!

Good work America! Good work!