Steak for Sale

True Story

Last night I was approached on a street corner by a heavyset, scrappy-looking woman. The following conversation took place:

Scrappy Lady: Excuse me. I just got out of rehab. Do you have a cigarette?

Sandra O’Day: No, I don’t.

Silence.

Scrappy Lady: Do you eat steak?

Sandra O’Day: Steak?

Scrappy Lady: Yes. Do you eat steak?

Sandra O’Day: Not often.

Scrappy Lady: Oh, ‘cause I got these two steaks in this bag here, and I want to sell them. They’re very nice steaks.

She shows me the steaks.

Scrappy Lady: I lifted them from the store.

Sandra O’Day: Oh.

Silence.

Scrappy Lady: (In a sad voice.) Don’t judge me.

Sandra O'Day: I wouldn’t.

Scrappy Lady: I can tell that by looking at you! You look like you understand. Like you’ve been in trouble before.

Sandra O’Day: I have. I’m still on parole.

Silence.

Scrappy Lady & Sandra O’Day: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Laughter dies down.

Scrappy Lady: Know where I might be able to sell these steaks?

Sandra O’Day: I’d try outside of the bar around the corner. Lots of smokers out there who look like they enjoy steak.

Scrappy Lady: Yeah, good idea. It’s a rough bar.

Sandra O’Day: Goodnight. Good luck with your rehab.

Scrappy Lady: Good luck with your parole! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.

The Worry Game

Worry is pointless. Even crazy fundamentalists of any stripe will tell you that. “Let go and let God,” they say. Some people whisper to little worry dolls at night, “Sorry to burden you, little piece of straw wearing clothes. But thanks!” And for them, worrying is done! I say, heck, if it works for you use it. If you need to stick pins in a pillow stuffed with lavender or light Glade Scented Candles or have a scotch while you soak in a hot tub of bubble bath crying and listening to Pasty Cline -- that’s great. If it works, good for you! Just don’t waste your time trying to convince me your way is the only way. There is more than one way to ditch worry.

Worry will never, ever work in a positive way.

You know what you’re trying to do when you worry? Prevent bad things from happening. But you can’t. So don’t try. Worry is pointless.

If you worry over what could be, trying to imagine what might happen, you are not thinking about the future. You are writing a play. A worry play. Stop. It’s not interesting, useful or productive.

Get out of the worry game.


I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

The Probably People

If someone says to you, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this ...” they “probably” shouldn’t. People who engage in this kind of manipulative gossip need to be rounded up and shipped to their own island where they can torture each other in a “Lord of the Flies” kind of way. Their whispered secrets, nasty rumors and flat-out lies are merely pathetic attempts to puff their egos by deflating someone else’s.

What do the Probably People get out of telling you something they “Probably” shouldn’t? They get the satisfaction of spinning you into the murk of self-doubt. They balloon themselves on smugness with the power of “Probably.” They make themselves feel big by making you feel small.

Don’t have any truck with the “Probably People.” And don’t be one. No one like a gossiping, weasel-faced, back-biting jerk.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.

Inspiration Everywhere

I saw this in a children’s joke book I was reading in the O’Day Camp library last weekend:

Q: Where can you always find a helping hand?

A: At the end of your arm.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

You can e-mail me at PowerofSandra@aol.com

E-mail From An O’Dayer

dear sandra oday;
i really like what you are saying....but i really like that you have anger proplems. that i can relate to. in fact when people don't admit this it makes me freaking crazy!! i bet you get me. i bet you're on board. if you are not, to HELL WITH YOU! sorry, i got a little angry.
your new fan,
jerry
www.exploding-noses.com

Thanks for your e-mail Jerry! I enjoy your discoveries as you explore unemployment. Here’s an exercise you might want to try when you feel yourself getting angry: take a deep breath and then count to ten. It has prevented me from violating my parole more than once! I’ve also challenged myself to not use any swear words, and while I don’t always succeed, at least I’m aware that I might be losing my temper when one slips out. Beating the stuffing out of a pillow works, too. Sometimes I even smack a rock with a stick while I scream my head off. And when I really need to let off steam I go on a run up a mountain or take a quick dip in the river up here at O’Day camp. An icy cold dunk in the water will cool anybody off! And whatever I do, I don’t drink and play with guns. (I don't have to learn that lesson more than once!)

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

You can e-mail me at PowerofSandra@aol.com

Happy Birthday!

Many people in the “O’Day Circle of Friends” have birthdays this week. I called one of those friends to wish her a happy birthday -- and she started complaining about how old she’s getting. Seriously?! Is it such a horrible thing, surviving another year?

Oh, goodness gracious, I’m turning 30.

Oh crud, I’m turning 48.

Aw, man, I’m almost 60! Poor me.

People! Why all the boo-hooing? I say good for you! Some people don’t make it that far. Some people don’t make it out of childhood, or infancy for that matter. Some people are struck down in their prime! You’re HERE! Start listening to your life. Everyday is an adventure full of stories, don’t let your story be a list of gripes.

Be more than a complainer. More than a worrier. Become more than just a fearful, weak person. You are alive -- stop lamenting and start living!

People, what are you learning as you get older? Anything?

Exercise:

Very quickly, jot down three things you’ve learned since January 20, 2007.

Go ahead, don't be lazy. Do it.

Now look at your answers. Are you making progress, or is your page blank? Are you making the same mistakes year after year? Are you stuck in the land of “The Way Things Were?” Are you still behaving the way you did twenty years ago?

Right now, I want to know:

1) What have you learned?
2) What do your words and actions teach others?

Let’s help each other out, people. If you reach the ripe old age of 22, or 45 or 106 -- pat yourself on the back and do your part. Listen to your life and tell us what you hear. Be a sage, not a whiner!

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

Happy Birthday to SaraH, Del and Nancy! Live Stong.

You can e-mail Sandra at PowerofSandra@aol.com

Next Cup People

There are some people who just can’t enjoy their first cup of coffee in the morning. They’re too busy thinking about having their second cup. But the second cup isn’t quite as good as the first, but they didn’t really enjoy the first cup because they were too busy thinking about the next one. Then they spend the next cup thinking about how good the first one could have been and why isn’t the second cup as good as the first?

Some people spend their entire day rushing into the imaginary future, stopping back to search for the past they missed, then go speeding back into a make-believe future they create with “what-ifs”. They spend absolutely no time in the NOW.

People! Why all the mental time travel?

We get so wrapped up in the hornet’s nest of our brains we don’t even enjoy the most basic and simple pleasures in life. So shush up the screeching Howler monkey in your head and enjoy your coffee before it gets cold.



One thing at a time, folks. The future will be here soon enough, and it will be called NOW when it gets here. You will learn to recognize it by enjoying the simple things.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.

You can e-mail me at PowerofSandra@aol.com

Color me Sandra

Our society is extremely superficial. We love labels. We love them! We love labels on our clothing, our cars and especially on ourselves. So folks slap “Christian” on themselves or “Buddhist” or “Liberal” or whatever, and then they feel they’re adequately advertising their beliefs. They’ve got the label, so they think they don’t have to do the work.

Wrong again, Sparky!

People, it’s not what you believe that matters, it’s how you behave. If you call yourself a “Christian” and you judge people before you know their story, if you steal and gossip and commit adultery, you’re not doing the work, you’re just wearing a label! It’s like carrying a Dolce and Gabbana handbag and calling yourself a model. You’re not! You’re lazy and deluded.

Look, I don’t care what you believe. If you want to make a pyramid of coffee cans in your garage and make an alter to a ceramic cat it’s fine with me, as long as you behave courteously and respectfully toward others. I don’t care if you pray to your bacon in the morning and worship the lint from your dryer as long as you’re thoughtful and aware of those around you. It’s about kindness and decency, People, not about who wears the most popular tag on their ego.


I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

You can e-mail me at PowerofSandra@aol.com

The When/Then Game

I’ve met so many people who say things like, "When I lose 15 pounds then I’ll buy new clothes and start going to the gym." Or, "When I feel better about my stunted personality then I’ll start socializing." "When I get that embarrassing hair removed then I’ll start dating."

So, let me get this straight. You’re not going to do what you really need to do NOW until you get some lame, speed-bump excuse done first? That's crazy talk! People, don't create road blocks for yourself. There is no need to do that! Start with the big stuff and do all the work. Dive in. No more namby-pamby “let me stick my toe in the water” first.

Get out of the When/Then game, People. It's all here and NOW.


I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

You can e-mail me at PowerofSandra@aol.com

Get a Room

I was recently on a flight home from conducting a Sandra O’Day Motivational Workshop. It was a lengthy, cross country flight and I was looking forward to listening to some music and reading a draft of my latest book. I was seated behind a young couple -- apparently new to the concept of affection. They would not stop kissing each other, nuzzling, and licking each other’s faces. Apparently people don’t realize that the people sitting behind you on the plane can see you, that the little space between your seats does not make you invisible. In fact, that little space between your seats acts like a framing device that brings your every smack and lick into horrifying view. Now, I don’t mind a little kiss, or hand-holding, but these people were EATING each others faces LOUDLY the ENTIRE SIX HOUR FLIGHT.

People, don’t. Just don’t. I no more want to watch you consume one another than I’d want to watch you eat a bucket of chicken wings in extreme close-up in HD. Stop chewing on each other in public, stop picking your noses in public, and stop clipping your nails in public.

Let’s all agree to a common code of respectful conduct. If you wouldn’t want some stranger doing a specific activity in your living room -- then you shouldn’t be doing that activity in public. This obviously includes urination and throwing your trash wherever you please. The world is not your trash can or your ash tray.

The world would be a better place if we would ask ourselves, “Should I be doing this in public?” So to the lady screaming and crying on her cell phone in front of my building -- go home and use your landline. The show’s over.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.

Fresh Ground Coffee

The following conversation took place yesterday while I was visiting a friend in her very fancy, extremely expensive Manhattan apartment.

Sandra O’Day : Mmmm. That coffee smells really great, Doris!

Doris the Whiner: It better! It’s a pain in the butt to make.

Sandra O’Day: How so?

Doris the Whiner: Well, I really like super-fresh coffee. So I have to measure the beans, put them in the grinder, grind them, clean the grinder, boil the water, pour the water by hand through the filter bit-by-bit to slowly saturate the coffee ... it just takes a really long time!

Silence.

Sandra O’Day: Let me get this straight. You’re complaining about pushing a button on a grinder so that electricity, which you and everyone in your entire city has, will grind the expensive, designer coffee beans. Beans that were hand-picked on a treacherous mountainside in the relentless heat by someone in a developing country who has no electricity or running water and is paid a fraction of a penny for her hard work?

Silence.

Doris the Whiner: Cream and sugar?

Sandra O’Day: Black.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

The Imposter Game

I notice that every single person I work with is playing some kind of nutty game in his or her head. I call these nutty games Head Games. There is no comprehensive list of the Head Games we all play, because there are no limits to the human imagination -- for better or for worse. Some Head Games are more familiar and common than others, but just when I think I’ve seen them all, out pops a new monster from Pandora’s box.

Success brings on a whole new clump of Head Games. When we start getting what we want, what we’ve worked so hard for, the nasty voices start whispering, “This great new job, this great new friend, this great new lover -- is a fluke! I’m faking it! Everyone is going to find out I’m a fraud! I don’t know what I’m doing!” And all of a sudden you're playing the Imposter Game and freaking yourself out.

People! Get out of the Imposter Game! Come on now! You got yourself there. You know what you’re doing! Faking it is part of doing something new. You think you weren’t faking it the first time you rode a bike? The first time you gave a book report? First time you kissed somebody? Faking it is part of doing something new, it’s how you get yourself rolling! Then you discover you do know what you’re doing. So you got yourself into a fancy new situation. Good for you! Now shut that nasty voice in your head up and get back to work.

More on the Imposter Game and other Head Games can be found in my book, “Get Out of the Game with Sandra O’Day!”

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

Follow That Skid Mark!

This past weekend I was at O’Day Camp, my retreat in the Shawangunk Mountains in New York State. I was driving way up into the mountains to take a snowy, wintry hike. There are a lot of twists and turns on that mountain road, and there’s one hair-pin turn that you really have to slow down for -- all the way down to 5 mph. It’s not the type of drive you want to rush.

Many people, when driving down the mountains, tend to go too fast and veer into the oncoming lane of cars straining up the grade. You can often see broken glass on the side of the road courtesy of those people who think the speed limit does not apply to them.

On this particular drive I also notice skid marks on those mountain roads, lots and lots of skid marks. Certainly skid marks can indicate where a baby deer walked into the road and a driver had to work fast to avoid making a Bambi pancake -- but most skid marks are a signal that someone was going too fast and not paying attention.

I’m fascinated by our country’s “Follow That Skid Mark!” mentality.

I look at the infamous female Hollywood twenty-somethings -- the talented, the talent-free and the already has-beens who are in and out handcuffs almost as much as they’re in and out of rehab. And we eat it up! Those alcoholics in mini-skirts make the cover of our papers!

We delight in their out-of-control dangerous wrecks of lives. And we stay transfixed, staring at those living skid marks until some ‘professional athlete’ type steals their thunder with other deplorable skid-mark type behavior often involving not only booze and drugs, but also whores, guns and dog fights. (No offense to guns, whores and dogs.)

There is a lesson to be learned in a skid mark. Don’t follow it! Slow down. Take a breath. And figure out where the heck you’re going. And, when you get a chance, pull over and take a look over the cliff where the skid mark ended. There is nothing glamorous about a skid mark, folks.
Stop following!

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you .

Meow Boom Syndrome

Religion is not prevention.

Some people think that subscribing to religion helps prevent bad things from happening. Like Jesus and the other deities are some sort of good luck charm. Jesus is not a rabbits foot, people.

Here’s a fact: Bad things are going to happen in your life.

Here’s another fact: Good things are going to happen in your life.

Now, which fact do you focus on?

Most people, not surprisingly but sadly, focus on the fact that bad things are going to happen. They assume the bad things will outweigh the good things, so they focus on the bad things -- bad things that have never even happened!

Why? Why spend so much of your energy creating horrible future scenarios for yourself? Not that I don’t understand the attraction. It’s easy. It makes you feel like you’re being strategic about your future in some way.

Believe me, I used to dwell in the land of the negative future. Nobody, and I mean nobody, could spin a negative thought quicker than I could. My therapist in prison was amazed! Apparently it takes most people three or four thoughts to spin into complete despair and horror, but not me! My imagination could go from adopting a kitten to complete world annihilation in one thought. ONE thought!

I call this MEOW BOOM! Syndrome.

Every time my old, negative way of thinking starts to creep in I yell “MEOW BOOM” at the top of my lungs –- no matter where I am. And it makes me laugh and realize how silly I’m being.

Let’s all give our fears a good poke through their cage! Next time we are overcome by our fearful imagination we’ll cut it down to size by shouting at the top of our lungs,
“MEOW BOOM!”

I know, it seems silly. And some of you still aren’t ready to cut loose that fear and worry. Some of you actually believe you need that worry -- because you try to use worry as prevention. As in, “If I worry about all the horrible thing that could go wrong I’ll stop those things from happening.” No, you won’t. But you sure will spend a lot of energy focusing on negative things.

Bottom line, you control your imagination, it doesn’t control you. And no matter what, worry is never ever productive.

MEOW BOOM!

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you to be better every day.

The "Do What You Want" Challenge

I spent this past holiday season working. I was hired by two very unique families who just can’t seem to enjoy the holidays, or the other members of their family.

First, I spent Thanksgiving in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio with a seemingly very mild family. In truth, each member of that family was seething with resentment. They were like a collective, seeping blister of bile.

I then spent Christmas counseling a sadistically hilarious, loud, angry, kitchen utensil-throwing family who live in a hotel in the Everglades. Again, each member of the family was dripping with the resinous sap of resentment.

While each family unit was struggling with uniquely challenging situations, both had a key phrase in common.

“Do what you want.”

I heard this phrase many, many times during those long holidays. And folks, the holidays feel long even when you’re with people you like. Truth is, we often hear that phrase from folks we get along with really well, not just annoying family.

“Do what you want.”

If someone says to you, “Do what you want,” what do you do? Do you begrudgingly do what you think they want you to do, or do you actually do what you want to do?

The real problem with the “Do what you want,” challenge is that we often don’t know what we want, can’t be honest about what we want, or aren’t willing to admit what we want -- so we feel suckered into going along with what we assume is expected of us. Oh, we might not know what we want -- but we sure as heck know we don’t want to do what they want us to do!

When we’re unsure or dishonest about what we want we spend too much time trying to figure out what others want.

People! What makes you think you can figure out what somebody else wants when you can’t even figure out what you want!

No wonder we become frustrated and angry and snippy with each other and start throwing forks!

Let me ask you this right now, “What do you really want?” If you don’t know, then figure it out. If you know but are afraid to say it out loud, it’s time for you to grow up. Take a good long look at what you really want, and if all you want is to spend the holidays with good folks other than your immediate family -- then do it. It’s why the automobile and every other form of transportation was invented.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.

Two Thousand Great!

Happy 2008! We’re going to make this a fantastic year!

So many people start off a new year wishing for wonderful things -- for themselves and others. But I say, “Why WISH?” Why put energy into crossing our fingers and knocking on wood and shopping for a new rabbit’s foot key chain?

Wishing brings out the WISHY-WASHY! Do you want to hang out with a wishy-washy, limp-rag, decision-making-impaired lazy-bones! Of course not! So why would you want to be one?

I say put away your wish and put on your MAKE. What are you going to MAKE happen this year? What are you going to MAKE happen this month? What are you going to MAKE happen this day?

Let’s put our MAKE on and MAKE some goals, people! I’m not talking “resolutions,” because “resolutions” can be broken. Every year in mid-January people sit around bars and pizza places all over America and whine about how they “broke their resolutions” after only a week. Then they order a pitcher of calories and have another bite of something double-crusted and stuffed with cheese. I know a lot can go into resolve, but resolve is far too easy to dis-solve!

But when you MAKE a goal -- the road is always open to meet that goal. So what if you get sidetracked and veer off the road to go traipsing in the woods? The woods happen, people! Drop some crumbs on the way in so you can find your way out -- then hop back on that road to achieve your goals.

You MAKE a map when you’re clear about what your goals are. A goal can always be met. Goals are the road signs on the Yellow Brick Road to your own, personal Emerald City.

I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and I will continue to do my best to inspire you to be better every day.

MAKE a great 2008!