I spent this past holiday season working. I was hired by two very unique families who just can’t seem to enjoy the holidays, or the other members of their family.
First, I spent Thanksgiving in a suburb of Columbus, Ohio with a seemingly very mild family. In truth, each member of that family was seething with resentment. They were like a collective, seeping blister of bile.
I then spent Christmas counseling a sadistically hilarious, loud, angry, kitchen utensil-throwing family who live in a hotel in the Everglades. Again, each member of the family was dripping with the resinous sap of resentment.
While each family unit was struggling with uniquely challenging situations, both had a key phrase in common.
“Do what you want.”
I heard this phrase many, many times during those long holidays. And folks, the holidays feel long even when you’re with people you like. Truth is, we often hear that phrase from folks we get along with really well, not just annoying family.
“Do what you want.”
If someone says to you, “Do what you want,” what do you do? Do you begrudgingly do what you think they want you to do, or do you actually do what you want to do?
The real problem with the “Do what you want,” challenge is that we often don’t know what we want, can’t be honest about what we want, or aren’t willing to admit what we want -- so we feel suckered into going along with what we assume is expected of us. Oh, we might not know what we want -- but we sure as heck know we don’t want to do what they want us to do!
When we’re unsure or dishonest about what we want we spend too much time trying to figure out what others want.
People! What makes you think you can figure out what somebody else wants when you can’t even figure out what you want!
No wonder we become frustrated and angry and snippy with each other and start throwing forks!
Let me ask you this right now, “What do you really want?” If you don’t know, then figure it out. If you know but are afraid to say it out loud, it’s time for you to grow up. Take a good long look at what you really want, and if all you want is to spend the holidays with good folks other than your immediate family -- then do it. It’s why the automobile and every other form of transportation was invented.
I look forward to hearing your stories of immense personal struggle, and will continue to inspire you.
